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What's up players, been away some more so plenty of crap stories to tell, I've even been doing a little bit of work. August is looking like a fun month, for more details see the events diary page. Party on Wayne.

Also look out for my homie D Robinson who just played the part of Jamie 'CUNT' Olivers skateboarding stunt double in the new Sainsburys ad and earnt himself a fat wad.

If you want to waste some time click here to sign our crappy online questionaire thing and don't forget to leave some abuse in the guestbook too.

Later Foolz




Dark Church Hell, G Money, Dave Carnie, The Bear


JOKE OF THE WEEK: (thanks Bear)

Q: How do you stop a dog humping your leg?

A: Pick him up and suck him off.




Bug Jam : Story coming soon from Agent Elmhawk 1

Tony Hawks Legends of Vert: Possible the biggest media circus ever, skateboarding has got silly, shock result as a new face takes all the honors ( COMING SOON )

Newquay Boardmasters : nicknamed "The Bourbon Games" by all those who attend, free booze all round.

Vans "no home comforts" tour video premiere: I had to hammer it back from Newquay to make this, my big screen debut!

Urban Games: As usual this proved to be a comical day and night out and the weather was amazing. ( STILL NO WORDS )

How to build a ramp: No fucking about, me and the Wingman got the call and the SRRU (Sidcup Rapid Response Unit) went into action.

NASS 2002 : A real extreme fest, girls and roller bladers were abused and Dainton got bundled.

Meanwhile........... Back at the park 3: The annual booze up/skatecomp organised by Thirdplanet

Day in the City: Manchester, Leeds and Liverpool were our destinations, too much driving!

Rampbuilding: R-kade skatepark (Redcar): This was great, i got paid to work and skate at one of my favourite skateparks.

Livi Funday (via Liverpool): This was my first trip to the annual fun day but I reckon I'll be going again.

Oceanfest 2002: Down to Woolacombe for the weekend, drinking, skating and a bit of Bear self destruction.

Rampbuilding: Burham (near Maidstone): My first assignment as ramp building assistant, what a great way to get sun burnt.

Cowboy Theme Night at Spams: Wasn't here for this but it looks great, I heard Fraser went mad there too.

Vans UK Team Tour: All the usual crap:- drunkeness, food fights, fire breathing and kids wanting more stickers. ( STILL NOT FINISHED )

The Long Awaited FLIP Video premiere: Will it live up to the hype? What do you reckon?

Day Out at the seaside for a bunch of special needs kids - Yes correct, this is the story of the Clown/Sabotage demo at Revolution skatepark.

Fat Plumbers Birthday - I missed this due to being in Brighton, my undercover reporter Downlow Matt takes up the story.

Osiris Demo/Crossfire night: Possibly the most 'YO' team in skateboarding arrive in London on the Aftermath tour.

Marseille Trip: The other weekend pretty much the whole of the London Bowlriding community relocated to France, here's some pics.

More snowboarding: various accounts of more snowboarding missions.

Wasted: A joint birthday celebration for Me, Boney G, Tats and Spam. Short story due to memory loss.

Violent Intent: Their last gig at the Woodman before it get turns into some shitty poncey wine bar thing - it rocked.

Volksworld Show 2002: Not a lot to say here because I was busy selling t-shirts, however I got some pics, so have a look anyway.

Soletech Trade Show/Projects Video Premiere: Hadn't seen Chesson for a while, but always enjoy getting drunk with the illest looking man in skateboarding so off to Manchester we went.

Violent Intent: The best band in the history of the world ever!

Southampton/Southsea mini trip: Some ladies we met on the snowboarding trip foolishly invited us down for a party, Slow Ram got busy.

New Years Eve Snowboarding trip 2002: The title for this trip was "Just For Gags", you'll find out why. (main story by Downlow Matt, additional stupid comments by Fat Sidcup, G Money and Ram Raid)




Upcoming events:Lowlife, Tour of the North, more Redcar, Reading Festival, Big Chill, Tony Hawk etc etc



Best of the Massive:

These are some of my favourite stories so far........

Bug Jam 15: Low riders bikes, computer vandalisation, and a jet powered car.

Last Night of Broadstairs Folk Week: We just got our shirts from the printers and were ready to go off the hizza!

Board X 2001: No smart arse comments come to mind about this, just read and smile.

Lowlife Festival, Brighton: Lowrider Bikes, Trikes and Cars along with the usual selection of Hawks - Guest reporter Downlow Matt.

Manchester Trip: This trip had been planned for ages, it was still the usual nightmare. We got wasted though.

Save Our Skatepark: Revolution skatepark may be forced to close, so I did my bit to help by going down there, getting wasted and really hurting myself.

Snowboarding Tignes 2001: Getting the year off to a good start in France, and Manimal didn't even hit me.

Board X 2000: Skateboarding, Alcohol and Strippers make for a good day/night out. (UNMISSABLE PHOTOS)

Meanwhile Back to the Park Jam 2000: Could this have been the last great day of summer?

Reading Festiva 2000: Rain, Mud, Monster Trucks, Grange Hill, Gateaux and The Stag.

Urban Games 2000: Free alcohol proves too much at this gathering of the clan.

Revolution Battle of the Parks Comp 2000: Chesson and I make a run for the coast and come pretty unstuck.

Vans Demo in Croyde 2000: A tale of sun, golden sand and a bunch of drunken monkeys on a holiday camp.

Bank Holiday Weekend in Newquay 2000: Me, Matimal and Chins headed down for the weekend, skated, drank and those two homo's had a queer encounter.

New Years eve Snowboarding Val Thorens 2000: After 2 days in the plumbers van we eventually made it to Val Thorens for a new millenium week of snowboarding.





Mark Brewster: Find out what makes this fool tick, in the deepest probing I've given someone since the last time I saw your mum.

More coming soon. Next candidates Dave Robinson and maybe Fraser "Dreamboat" (his words, not mine) Campbell.


Other Stories:


Agent Rams out and about page:- The worlds biggest hawk goes out hawk spotting for your pleasure

Skaters Shoe Collections: A view into the cupboards of the not so rich and famous

Readers Pikey stories: Get them coming in, make us laugh

Readers Fight stories: Your chance to amuse people at your expense, tell us about your beatings

How to get skate coverage: Parrothead on the wind-up

Stu News: Catch up on the whereabouts and activities of our most tragic friend.

Micro Scooters: What the f**k is all this gay s**t about?




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