Right, here's the facts nothing but the facts:

One night on our drunken wanderings round Chamonix we me some girls (unbelievable I know) and even more strangely one of them seemed attracted to Ram Raid. The upshot of this was that they invited us to a party at their student house in Southampton, sounds good so far, here's what happened.....

left ridiculously late as usual.

Ran the van out of Diesel on the way, meaning that G and Ram had to hitch a lift to a garage with some local pikeys.

Arrived at the party, after many abusive phone calls to get directions, and there was no-one there.

Ate and then went to a crap pub full of wankers, which G loved because it was full of trampy looking bleached blonde women.

Went to the offy for Stellas and a bottle of top quality "old jacobean" whiskey.

Returned to party and harrassed DJ Jack and were moderately rude to assorted people.

Donated 2 cases of Virgin NTL to students because they are poor.

G punched Ram in the bollocks which caused Ram to drop to the floor and shout "You've gone to far this time"

Apparently G headbutted and broke a lampshade.

G threw some gay bloke out for talking about which bloke off pop Idols he fancied.

A rather hawky person collapesd in the street outside and was ambulanced off.

Someone accidentally slit their wrist.

G stole some knickers (see picture) which now make an amusing rear view mirror decoration in my van.

Ram Raid did the Slow Ram (don't ask).

G and Ram scared various ladies.

I slept in my van but was frequently woken up by G hunting for more booze, of which there wasn't any.


Next day:

Woke up in my van.

Went inside for a wash to find the other 2 cleaning up the house like a pair of bitches.

Tasty greasy cafe fry up.

Drive to Southsea, only to find we needed helmets to skate, we didn't have any, nor did they.

Drove back to London and skated Meanwhile bowls.

Ram leaves and is promptly sick just round the corner.

G lasts until Old Kent Road where he goes uncharacteristically quiet and makes me stop the van for a pukathon.



As a footnote: Nicola if you are reading this you might like to know that everyone has had a good sniff of your pants (particularly the bear) and we are very proud of our treasure.


That's all freaks.

Back to the stories