So Mark, let's get the boring shit out the way so we can talk crap.

 

 

Name: Mark Brewster

Age: 23

Place you call home: South Woodford, the motherland, the bosom of mankind.

You know that I've got pure Sidcup pride flowing through my veins, do you you have South Woodford pride?

Fuck no. Pride is the most fucked up thing ever. Money isn't the root of all evil, pride is. Think about it, it fucks with you.

Obviously I'd be prepared to die for Sidcup, what's the greatest sacrifice you'd ever make for South Woodford?

I wouldn't die, maybe I'd have a haircut, or cut my nails, or something.

How many years have you been skating?

14, I think. But that includes rolling down hills on my kneeling down. If you're counting it from First Pro Board then it's about 10.

Drop your sponsors names here: Zoo York, DC Shoes, Slam City Skates, Colony Skateboarding website (www.colony.org.uk). Err, Orion trucks as well.

How high can you ollie?

Don't know that ollie over the bench a while ago in Sidewalk was the highest I've ever done, about hip height. 34 inches I suppose, if you want to get anal.

Can you do handstands?

No. I'm gutted. I can't join the circus.

When was the last time you got beaten up?

I have never been beaten up, ever. I got knocked down by some fool in a pizza place in Wanstead, before I knew what was going on the Robinson brothers had steamrolled their way in and finished the guy off before I got up off the floor & he was a mess.

 

ODB gets busy with his Tequila "GAT"

 

I think it was Pete (King) that told me a story about when you were up town and some rudes pulled a knife on you, what was that about?

Some fucking rude boys were banging on and hassling me, Pete King, Chesson, Dave Robinson and I think James Walker-Smith for a quid when we were in Leicester Square when we were about 16. We ran off, and me being the slowest, one of them caught up with me in an alley and started threatening me saying he was "ready to kill a man" and that he had "stabbed a man today already". Ooooh, scary. I told him I was "packing" a "gat", told him to wipe the smile off his face otherwise I'd shoot him dead right there. The idiot believed me and walked off. Dave Chesson witnessed the whole thing, it was classic. I remember, I had drunk a whole bottle of Newcastle Brown Ale that night, which was pretty heavy going for me a bit of Dutch courage.

What have you been up to lately?

Fuck all - work is grinding me down. I have been skating as much as I can and also doing a bit of MC'ing at competitions, which I'm quite into. For all you fellow I.T. geeks, I'm networking my house and also trying to get my tech down with the ladies (and failing miserably).

What was the highlight of the DC tour?

Rob Selley saying something side-splittingly hilarious every time he opened his mouth. Paul Shier pissing all over Kingy's clothes. Leo punching Selley in the face on the last day of the tour.

How did you feel when you got that big interview in Sidewalk, was it weird when you started getting coverage?

Yeah, I was stoked. Fully, fully stoked. Getting coverage was such a big thing when you're young because it's like the best thing ever. Now coverage is just an everyday thing, but I'm still as stoked as fuck when I get a photo in a magazine. My mum loves it as well. She is always bigging me up to her work mates and stuff. Sometimes girls recognise you and it's easier to get action.

I didn't see you for ages around that time, you lived in Brighton while you were at uni, were you skating loads down there?

Yeah, I'd virtually given up when I first went to Brighton. The locals fully got me back into it, and I'm stoked on them. If I hadn't gone there I reckon I'd be wearing a lot of Ben Sherman gear and spunking all my cash into coke and subwoofers for my Escort.

Nose blunt in-between mc duties at Meanwhile

 

How has skating changed for you over the last few years, like I remember when me, you and the Robinsons would always be skating at Leigh on Sea and there was never anyone else there, and it seemed like no-one was skating ramps, now everything's different.

It's changed in that we don't skate there any more and we skate even less together. I still skate about 70% mini and 30% street.

I can divide my skate life into certain phases like Southbank, then Rom, the Leigh on Sea, then the barn, etc. etc, is there a certain phase of your life that you look back on and think it doesn't get much better than that?

The fucking Barn man! How sick was that! Skating until we were fucked, then bombing it to Hollywoods for the Monday night Indie session with Powley! Sluts ahoy! Another good one was my last year at uni. I knew I had a job lined up so I basically just went skating the whole time. The level skatepark was at the bottom of the hill I lived on so I'd just roll down there every day and skate till it was dark.

You don't seem to travel as much as most, is there a particular reason for that or are you just happy doing what you do?

I don't like traveling very far afield as I've usually been the one that has to drive everywhere. I don't know, I like Playstation a lot, it's easy to get to so I skate there mostly. All the other decent parks I've skated are like at least 3 hours away. Fuck that, I always need a quick fix.

Do you think skating with the Robinsons made you skate ramps more than you would have otherwise, and if so, are you glad you did?

When you've got someone 3 times the size of you determined to skate a rusty 14ft vert ramp in the middle of nowhere and you've got no-one else to skate with you do what they say! I've skated a lot of ramps because of John and I'm grateful to him for showing me the joy of ramp skating, but I've kept true I've done my fair share of street skating.

Where do you skate mostly these days?

The Playstation skatepark, the er, Playstation skatepark. That"s about it. The odd bit of street. Actually that's a lie. Just Playstation.

Describe a perfect day in the life of the Brewster:

Wake up next to a supermodel, her hair clogged and matted with my dried spunk from the harrowing night of debauched sex I subjected her to the night (and day) before. Have her make me a sick fry up. Have a shower and ring my boys. Step into my Porsche and thrash it over to Playstation for a midi ramp session with the Robinsons, Hellicar, Finch, Rushbrook and Manzoori. Maybe go and skate Redcar, as that place was OK. Go to a club, get wasted and have some filthy ghetto Princess rescue me. Go back to start.

How different do you think your life would be if you'd never skated?

I'd be (more of) a c**t.

"Saggy Choyps" and "Pimp Daddies" were some classy skate videos mate, what prompted you to make them, do you still ever watch them and do you have any more films in the pipeline?

John forced me to make them. I hated every second of it.

 

 

What's the funniest question you've ever been asked whilst out skating?

"Can I have your autograph? " or "Are you Jerry Hsu?"

Skating allows you to meet some true characters, who the oddest or most mental person you've met?

Davross is insane. I'll sign the certificate myself.

Chesson and Pete used to be fuckin' nuts, although they both seem to have calmed down a bit lately, any stories you'd like to share about either of them?

Peter King, the King of Liars. Pete convinced Dave Chesson's then girlfriend that he was Sikh and he had an arranged marriage. He told her all kinds of shit like he wore a turban when he was at home and that he had been adopted. The girl was an absolute seed. She believed every word. Mind you, Pete is the best liar I've ever met. He got me to believe that Dave Chesson's dad was a vicar, and that his mum was a nun who had hand crafted every item of furniture in their house out of wicker. A prize sucker. Chesson also gained infamy at The Barn for dropping in the vert ramp and trying to 360 flip the flat bottom at mach 10. Nutter.

Is there a moment in your life that you could say "that's the best thing that ever happened to me", like popping your cherry or some shit?

Getting that cover for Sidewalk. So stoked. Also realising that I can have or do anything I want to if I put my mind to it.

What, if anything, are you looking forward to at the moment?

The prospect of buying my own place so I can have a bit more space to myself.

Dave Robinson is a constant source of amusement to me, he's done some well funny things, what's the most fucked up thing you've seen that fool do?

The list is endless. He jumped out of a 2nd floor window, naked apart from his school shoes, an apron and his dad's cycling helmet. We got him to drop in a 5 foot ramp, sitting on the tail of his board facing backwards, you know, the wrong way, the horrible way, rolling down the transition on his back looking straight up at the sky. I nearly wet myself. John also got him to rub deep heat on his helmet. I convinced him on 3 separate occasions I could cut hair and wouldn't fuck it up. EVERY time I fucked it up, and on the last occasion I convinced him it was JOHN's fault. The guy is a legend, respect to him for staying alive this long.

Do you remember when we persuaded him to climb on the roof of the bank in Woodford to jump off it into a pile of sand, but when he got up there it was too high and he couldn't climb down, so we left him there and hid round the corner, in the end he got so stressed that he jumped off anyway!

Fuck yes, that was the funniest thing ever. Dave Robinson is definitely special.

Who do you reckon would win a fight out of John and Dave Robinson?

John's got the power, but he's a bit of a lumbering beast. Dave'd run rings round him. It would be properly like David and (a caned) Goliath. All those years John picked on him Dave must be like a mini pressure cooker ready to blow.

Why do you think that John has had so many nicknames? He's got more than anyone else I've met.

He's an easy target. For a start he's ginger, all he does is backside reverts and his head is too big for his body! He manages to lose everything, including stuff that doesn't belong to him. There is no way John could lose as many of my CD's as he has without actually trying.

Whats the most pointless lie/exagerration that John has ever told you?

I'm going to give up the weed. It's always "the weed", never just "weed". He usually cracks after a couple of days. You'll ring him up, he'll be baked and there'll be really long, uncomfortable pauses in between sentences. You can almost hear the cogs going round. I think he told me a bit of a whopper about his first shag as well. I'm sure he was a virgin until he was about 20.

John used to have a thing about always trying bits of peoples food, he once told me he'd never had coffee before and asked to try mine, do you have any funny memories of this?

Sort of. John would always make sure he was at my house around dinner times, because he knew my mum would make him something to eat. She used to have a buy the 1 kilo sacks of Alpen because he used to eat at least 2 bowls every time he came round. For about two months, John'd be round every day and my mum would start asking me what I'd reckon John would like to eat for dinner, then going out and buying extra for him.

How comes you get in such a mess after only a few beers?, you're getting on a bit now, I would have thought that you might have built up a bit of tolerance by now:

I am allergic to alcohol! Apparently it is because for centuries Westerners have been used to alcohol, but it was only introduced to the far east very recently. Us chinks haven't had time to evolve a proper tolerance.

I can't remember if we ever spoke about this before, but do you remember that night, when I lived at the college that we all got really pissed and trashed my room , had a massive food fight and all woke up with shaving foam and Colgate blue minty gel in our hair? Anyway when I got my camera film developed theres a pic of me (in a shiny tracksuit), you and Dave R reinacting some kind of gay bumming off orgy scene which I had no recollection of. Do you think I should put the picture on the website?

Do it! I think the gay bumming off was a re-enactment of a feature on "Bogling" they did on "The Word" TV show. It has stayed with me ever since.

 

Me, Brewster and Dave R involved in some kind of gay bundle thing

 

What's the deal with you and your motor, do you think you're some kind of pimp?

Fuck that mate, you've got to have a nice ride! I am a pimp. THE pimp.

Do you want to race me in my GTi for money? I'll take you to the fuckin' cleaners mate!

I'll pay you 20 to stop hassling me!

 

Spanking the monkey

 

You've got a small rep for being a bit of a sex case (see above!), any funny/embarassing stories you'd like to tell, like your injuries!?

Split "piano string". That was a good one. I can't risk half of the other ones being on the web. I'll get arrested.

We're nearly done now, just the quick fire round left:

Have ever had a homosexual encounter?

No.

Have you ever fantasised about animals?

No. I dreamt John did a backside revert on the Leigh tomb years ago, does that count?

Yes it definitely does, Do you prefer nice girls or sluts?

Neither. Nice girls out of the bedroom, sluts in the bedroom.

What about big tits or small tits?

I don't give a fuck as long as they know how to work'em.

Have you ever goosed a real fat bitch?

No.

What about a real ugly troll/moose bird?

Nah, no trolls. Well, no proper, ugly trolls.

Do you think John or Dave R will end up in straight jackets?

Dave R, definitely!

Christina or Britney?

Britney wins hands down in the looks stakes, but Christina looks like she could teach me a few tricks. She looks dirty.

Who's your favourite boy band?

Another Level. I confess to buying one of their singles, but only because there was a sick M.J. Cole garage remix on it.

Favourite TV show?

Eurotrash (later wished this answer to be changed to news and documentaries in a bid to sound more intelligent)

Favourite song ever?

"I am the Black Gold of the Sun" 4Hero remix by Nu Yorican Soul.

Thanks for your time and tolerance Mark, do you have any last words of wisdom for the world?

Don't EVER lend John Robinson anything. He will either lend it to someone else or lose it. Frisk him for stuff he tries to steal when he's leaving your house. Don't ever lend him money. Or let him take a crap in your bathroom. Or let him near any of your ex-girlfriends.

Do you want to do some traditional thank-you's etc.

Cheers to everyone at Slam and New Deal, Sidewalk, Document, Playstation Crew, mum and dad, everyone at Y&R Europe and everyone else I've forgotten. You know who you are, I just can't be bothered to remember you all.

 

Thankyou once again Mr Mark Brewster, by the way I saw John down the second hand record shop the other day, so if you rush you might be able to buy some of your CD's back!

If you've got any questions you'd like me to ask Brewster, e-mail them to

 

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