Words in red by Elmhawk

Words in yellow by Fat Nic Sidcup

Members present: Elmhawk, Sidhawk, Ramhawk, G-hawk, Yosh-hawk/Pea-hawk, Spamhawk, Kenty K, Ricky K & Eleanor,Tats, etc etc

The weekend of 10/11 November 2001 saw the annual Board X snowboard tradeshow at Battersea Park in London. Last year the event, well actually the after party, reached legendary status with stories abounding about various Sidcup crew on stage with strippers in various states of undress, all under the influence of nice free alcoholic bevarages.

This year the weekend started on Friday night, with the usual Playstation skate session (any birds out there wanna get some Sidcup in em get down there on a Friday) with assistance from Mr Keith Della, aka Stella, our favorite beer, and a fat ruby, aka Ruby Murray - curry. (This is rhyming slang, its a London thing, for all our overseas readers).

Saturday morning dawned warm and hawky, and the G-hawk, Kent-hawk and Elm-hawk went to get "first tracks" at Meanwhile. As usual G-boy got over excited, but the Meanwhile concrete soon took it's toll and after sweating out some curry & cobra, we ended up banging on the doors of the Golbourne for an early morning Guiness. After crafty blunt by the Kentsman, a stop off in Soho to see Dispensary Dean, another beer and a greasy spoon at Frankies, we were off to Board X

mmmmmmmm we like greasy breakfasts.

After taking care of some Sidcup business (posting t-shirts to the masses), me and the Prawn embarked on our marathon train mission to Battersea Park, for the annual piss-up known as Board-X. Our journey was passed by laughing at various chavvy rude-boys. After a quick offy stop we proceeded to the park, meeting Ram on the way, and acquired passes from the master blagger that is Jules from Southampton. No sooner had I got in than my mobile starts going and it's G on the phone calling me up for a pass blag, I gather some up and go and get him, Spam, Elmo and Kenty in. I meet up with King who looks like shit and relays tales of the previous nights drunken activities.

We were ridiculously late as usual - in fact it was dark by the time we got to Board X - it became obvious that this year the show seemed a bit more corporate (corp-or-arse) than before. One thing hadn't changed - skating and snowboarding was going off the hook, with jokers landing some amazing tricks and taking some fierce slams into the bargain. Notables included someone's off axis b/side 540 nosegrab on the snow and the welsh (ex blader) kid who kept jumping off the highest thing he could find and twatting himself on the flat bottom of the mini ramp.

Unfortunately by the time we got there the vert skating had already wound down, so we watched a bit of snowboarding before heading inside. The snowboarding was well impressive, some bloke did a thingy off the thingy. Inside it was hot and the skating was going crackers, the ramp was the same as usual but with a big vert extension added. One of the first stunts I saw was Ozzy Steve aka "The Flying Bear" pull a frontside rock on the thing, he later slammed one and almost went through the ramp!

I sat down with me old mate Muncie and boozed booze whilst taking photo's, this was the only one that's any good (and it's shit too), but trust me people were going crackers up on that extension box. Further time was spent creating a boozy/blunty foundation for the night ahead of us.

I went for a wander round and ended up watching some of the Pritchard v's Dainton video. Gay porn isn't really my thing, so I only really watched about 10 minutes of their queero antics, including shitting on each other etc. One bit that was pretty impressive was Mr Dainton giving some bouncer a proper beat down, top marks! By this time I'm reasonably pissed and feeling good, as usual G is light years ahead of me and is absolutely wasted. After mocking some girls who were attempting to skateboard I tried to eat one of their knickers, much to her shock and our amusement! Our stickering campaign was in full flow, the general public seemed to take to our new "CUNTY" stickers just as well as our old "FIGHTING AND BITCHES" ones. Everyone loves a bit of pointless swearing.

There was a best trick comp on the mini ramp which was pretty crackers. Some little Welsh maniac chucked himself relentlessly of the back barrier into the ramp, he got pretty close but I don't think he made it. Diego got airs just like he was skating vert. King tried nose blunts on the vert bit. Some French (?) guy took a harsh slam out of a f/s 5-0 to fakie which involved him wrapping round the edge of the ramp on his ribs, it was fucking nasty to say the least. Can't really remember much more about the skating as usual.

Next thing I know we're getting herded towards the door by the traditionally over zealous security guards (note: to the fat bouncer who wouldn't let me back in to find my hat - nice one mate - you are a cunt), and so begins the nightmare of trying to decide where the fuck we are all going. At this stage I realised that, rather than taking self-timer photo's with my trusty T5, I could ask matey's to take them for me and have more fun.....


Sidcup, Downlow and other crew in front of some hawky artwork. Photo - Nigel the Nigerian (Board X Security)


We end up drifting towards Sloane Square, by this time G is well pissed and his best drunken poking finger has come out. G was annoying the shit out of me, so I decide to wind him up in return. I start by telling him to shut up every time he speaks, this works pretty well , but doesn't have the desired effect of driving him mad. Sidcup accused G of "riding on his vehicle of fame", to which G, who had modelled his stylo on Cooter from Dukes of Hazard for the night, decided to wrestle fatty Sidcup to the ground in a flurry of leaves and testosterone. Things got blurry for a while, but for some reason G was made to hang his head in shame and stand under a tree. Now I had found a weak spot I continued to annoy G for the rest of the night, much to the enjoyment of Prawny who was doing his best to stir matters up.


G was in mess early

Sorry sidcup please forgive me


Billy Bob then stole my wallet


But everyone was friends again by the time we hit the pub


As we got to the pub we realised we had gone completely the wrong way and there was about 50 of us with skateboards in Sloane Square (the poshest part of London you know), pissed and wanting to get more pissed - not normally a good combination. Ricky made mobile contact and came up from the other boozer, then we saw a pub and stormed it, expecting to get kicked out pretty quick, however this wasn't the case. Chris "big sponge" Cracknell was trying to enjoy a quiet drink and serenade his julie, this was blown out of the water by us all shouting bollocks for an hour or so.


mmm sidcup what lovely pants you have


Chesson is a reformed character these days, he was hardly sweating at all and wasn't even the drunkest in the pub. Instead he sported a scarf and played the role of a quizmaster. One of his riddles was:

What is greater than God, more evil than the devil, the poor have it and the rich want it?

In my state I became convinced the answer was quite obviously coal, a view I would have fought to the death to defend! I can't remember what everyone elses guesses were, but they were just as bad. As the argument was raging, some poor little fat posh bird wandered past and got coaxed into the argument. By this time Chesson had convinced me that the answer wasn't coal, so I warned the girl that the answer wasn't coal. She obviously fancied herself as a bit of a comical genius and gave the answer as coal anyway, this opened the flood gates for abuse and Joey impressions. She took this all in her stride, but left after the abuse didn't seem to be subsiding. Can't really think of any other amusing tales, at some stage some freaks walked in and gained some "HAWK" abuse. Oh by the way the answer to the riddle is "nothing".




We left the pub to go to a drum & bass night by certificate 18 recommended by Muncie & Ali, so headed for the tube. The tube ride over to Old Street turned into a comedy adventure. This involved convincing three women that we were all off to eat at the same restaurant as them, before offering them a pole dance and flashing them my leopard skin pants. Weller also ollied between the carriages, Me and G tried to prevent Wingy getting off the tube to go home etc etc. I don't remember any more details, but I remember pissing myself for the whole journey.


On a rampage


By this time the crew had slimmed down to about 10 of us and we tried to get into 93feeteast but it wasn't happening so we went for a ruby. The curry house had a pretty offensive mural of Princess Di and we "entertained" the waiters by ordering Goats Head and other random made up shit. Icontinued my theme of annoying G, who by this time was very very loud. On the way out of the restaurant I overheard two women saying "Who the fuck does he think he is, I've never even heard of G-money" (it's worth mentioning at this stage that G was sporting mirrored cop shades, mesh cap and checked shirt with the sleeves hacked off!).


Enlishman abroad


The run up


The fuck up


After a fucking feast like that no one could really be bothered with the club so we fucked of home. On the way Prawny pulled some amusing forward rolls to land rolling on his skateboard on his back. There was a few more photo opportunities and then we parted company...........


another "manual self timer" taken by an innocent bystander - this time a poor old man on a station bench


When we got to Liverpool Street we were in fits of laughter as yosh-hawk pea-hawk decided to become a human skateboard, flying round on the marble at high speed until ram-hawk rode him headfirst into a ticket barrier.


watch out, high speed pea-hawk coming troo


This was when one of the funniest things happened. We were on the platform of a tube station, dunno which one somewhere eastside, when we spotted some rude girls on the other platform. I complimented them on their stylos (one had special dreads with visor, a white puffa & shiny trousers) but the conversation rapidly deteriorated into me telling the loudest one how rank her mum was. This did not go down too well and a verbal war broke out across the tracks. Yosh-hawk provided a little gem in the shape of "Oi, cows, check out my arse!", which then prompted a bottle of stella to be thrown across towards us. My trusty Muska stopped it, it bounced once and then shattered all over the platform. Further insults were then traded until the trains came in and drowned out all the bad language (my mum is an English teacher). On the way out of the next station pea-hawk provided us with some more human skateboard entertainment, this time the board was strapped to his rucksack and he had to forward roll into going along backwards on his back.

I missed the last tube and ended up on the dreaded night bus to Sidcup. Fortunately I met some characters who appreciated my Sidcup sweatshirt and Gold S and the journey passed by reasonably quickly!

So there you go another boozy weekend comprising too much curry, booze and blunts and not enough skating or snowboarding. Mission achieved! See you next year, hawks.


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