The main purpose/excuse for this mission was to go to the old school BMX racing day hosted by Alans up in Warrington. However this left us dangerously unoccupied on Saturday so the plan was hatched to drive up Saturday morning and get a skate in at one of Manchesters many indoor facilities. This would have been easy but The Venue got involved!


I got up early on Saturday morning, and was unusually excited about the trip. I got round to G's to find carnage, him and Ram had been up The Venue the night before and were quite visibly fucked. They certainly weren't sharing my enthusiasm for the trip. After a ridiculous amount of fucking about and watching crap on TV, I eventually persuaded them to leave. The drive took forever, especially as we stopped numerous times - bike shops, food, toilet, peoples houses etc. G slept most of the way in the back of the bass van while me and Ram talked absolute shite. We eventually made it there about 6pm, not bad for us, and considering I left at 9am! We got some MacD's and laughed at the local boy racers before heading to Stockport for a skate at Bones Skatepark.

I'd been there before, it's a wicked park, always good fun, plenty of stupid stuff to skate. We all managed to slam pretty hard, but all in all it was a very fun skate, we left sweating and smiling. It was now about 9pm, we had nowhere to stay and no idea of what to do. Obviously the decision was made to get to the pub as quick as possible and get fucked up. We headed for the student part of town, by this time it was obvious that we were going to have to sleep in the van. I hoped the other two might pull, so that I could have the comfort of the van to my self. What the fuck was I thinking? Those 2 freaks pull, about as much chance as me loosing some weight!

The first pub was a bit wolfy so we went on a wander, we ended up in the Student Union bar. This was good because the music was shit and the drink was cheap as hell. The queue at the bar was stupid, so we took to buying about 4 drinks each per visit. In hindsight this is probably why we got so ruined. G found a bowl of johnies on the bar and took to pelting students with them. Around this time Ram made friends with some lanky freak breakdancer who produced a helmet from his bag. He whacked it on and busted some head spins, I nearly wet myself laughing at him, me and G sneaked off and left him making friends with the Ram. From here on in things got really messy, apparently I couldn't talk, I was just growling at people, I remember having a lot of trouble standing up. I also remember asking the doorman to go easy on me later when he would obviously have to throw me out. Ram produced some of his trademark dancing and did a march complete with chopping motion around the dance floor at exactly 1am, he also scared a lot of people as usual. We laughed at some leather clad slut getting a serious mawling of some bloke who definitely had his c**thooks with him. For some reason I threw all my money (about £150) at some girls, luckily they threw it all back, unluckily they then hit me. Some other girl punched me in the face, for no reason that I can recall. Music for the evening included some classics such as Ice Ice Baby, which obviously whipped us into a frenzy. Then it was over. As I left I saw some pikey student walking out with my shirt on, luckily I was too pissed to feel violent!

We were all so fucked up we dedcided we needed a feed so off to the kebab shop we went. I headed straight back to the van, but the other 2 had left there tops in the bar so they went to get them. About an hour later they still hadn't returned, I went to find them and they were still outside the bar trying to get back in, even though it was all locked up. I persuaded them that it might be a good idea to come back in the morning and off we headed back to the van. I walked on ahead because they were fucking about by the time they got to the van I was in bed. The door opened and I was greeted by G laughing his tits off and Ram having a face covered in blood. Ram had tripped over his lace with his hands in his pockets and smashed his face in. I couldnt help but piss myself along with G. G set about cleaning Ram up, while I started puking. G then decided to take a run up and kick me in the bollocks as hard as possible, this made me feel even more sick. Eventually Ram passed out in the front of the van and me and G laughed ourselves to sleep.


Look what I did mummy!

G Money and his condom collection

Bloody King Ramos the Nose recieves urgent medical attention


My first thought of the morning was "Christ, my nuts hurt", this pain stayed for the next couple of days, thanks G you c**t. Our first mission was to clean up Ram , newly christened Bloody King Ramos the Nose. Then for a slap up MacD's breakfast, where G fell in love with some blonde tart and strangers laughed at King Ramos. We were supposed to be at the BMX thing at about 9am, due to various factors, including having no map, we arrived at 12.30pm. On the way to the track Ram rode down some stairs and the handle bars came of his bike, cue more laughter from me and G.

This is my bike, I've had it since about '83 and I still can't do a "skill wheelie"!

This is G's Diamond Back and Rams borrowed Schwinn

I won't bore you with details of the bmx day, if you're interested have a look at my new site or at Alans own site. Obviously we got there too late to race, but we managed to sneak on the track for a while, in our short visit G knocked someone off and I nearly killed myself when my brake came off into my spokes. We watched the racing, bought a few bits and bobs, and generally tried to recover from the night before. For some reason I felt ok, probably due to the puking, so I persuded the others into a quick skate at Bones again. The session was a bit less enthusiastic than the day before, but just as fun. After that we drove home, laughing most of the way (except Ram who slept) even though it took forever and a day.

BMX boys have a lot of fun (1980's style photo!)


Mad for it!

Thanks to Alan for organising the day, thanks to Ram for providing the entertainment!

Apparently there's another old school day soon, we might actually manage to race next time (but i doubt it!)


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