Board X is always a good one and thankfully this year was no exception. I had Friday off work and headed up there in the early afternoon. The first thing I did was to go check out the skating. There was no vert ramp this year which was pretty shit, but they had a new improved the mini ramp. It was split level and wide as f**k. I had to take care of some business for a while and then headed back to the ramp. Bodies started to appear the list included Emilio "El Torro", Manimal, Pete King, Greg Nowick and various visiting foreigners. People were skating seriously fast and making the most of the width of the ramp. I watched some snowboarding, I won't pretend to know what I'm talking about but I enjoyed watching it nonetheless, I also managed to hustle a few tickets together for the evenings party. King dared me to dive head first into a big stack of Thompson directories, which I duly did and made a hasty escape (apologies to whoever had to re-stack them, what can I say, I'm a childish c**t).

At about 8 we all got kicked out and the usual meandering procession began across Battersea Park. I ended up with Wellermal, Manimal and "The G". While the 'mals went to eat, me and G hit the whiskey. We took a cab to Vauxhall station to meet up with Mattimal, we then proceeded to elude him with a variety of cunning hiding Maneuvers. After I'd tried to dive through a bus shelter and Mattimal had tried to flatspot Manimals wheels, we and headed straight to the upstairs bar where we hooked up our supply of free Tequila and Sol. Around this time Mattimal kicked a table full of drinks at me and nearly got himself thrown out. The following account of the evening is in no particular order and is probably not particularly acurate. Naylor took a piss in the corner of the room whilst sitting down, quite possibly on everyone's coats and then passed out. He appeared later in the evening to execute an unusual brand of dancing, which consisted of running from one end of the club to the other and touching the walls, he has no recollection of this. Chesson turned up and performed his favourite party trick of randomly slapping people, including a particularly vicious attack on my bald head which earned him a healthy punch. Manimal danced as only he knows how. Parrothead played the Gigolo and was spotted in the layback kissing position on the dancefloor. Julian from Southampton danced the entire night on the stage like a lunatic. And now to the main event of the evening:-


The Strippers

I can't really remember what happened here, but I've tried my best to reconstruct the events. I was upstairs with G who tried to look up some tall girls skirt, she promptly poured beer over his head, I don't remember this at all, he told me about it later. Next thing I remember we're downstairs and Mattimal throws me onto the stage and everyone is throwing beer at me. Next up I think Dan Joyce gets up and starts stripping, he then pulled a girl onto the stage who he sits on a chair and dances round her before getting her to whip him with his own belt. Somewhere in all this 3 girls get on stage and start stripping, including the one that G was looking up her skirt, I remember thinking "this is all a bit strange" and not realising that they were strippers. The girls are getting pelted with beer and everyone is slapping there arses, luckily they seem to see the funny side. I get thrown onto the stage again and slide across it on my back before getting thrown off again by the bouncer. G gets pulled up by the one who's skirt he was peering up and joins in the routine and gets down to a bit of bump and grind in his pants. Joyce gets his cock out and makes one of them whip it. Wingy runs on with just his pants on, pulled up to his armpits. The legend known only as "Mr Pants" appears sporting pink Elvis y-fronts. Pritchard makes his traditional naked appearance at the last moment. This is all on video and will be appearing on this site shortly!

Click here if you're old enough to see semi-nude bitches (i.e. over 8)

After that my memory goes well hazy, but I ended up walking/stumbling from Vauxhall to New Cross (about 1 hour walk) and getting on the night bus to Sidcup and got in about 5.30am. This would have been clever except I'd planned to go to Pete's hotel which was nearby. After I left quite a few people got chucked out, and Chesson disappeared from the hotel for a few hours, only to reappear wearing shoes that were about 4 sizes too small and no recollection where he'd been. It was the first night out where we'd all been together for quite a while and it got very messy indeed, well done to everyone involved



I woke up seriously dazed and confused but somewhat less hungover than expected. I made a few calls and tried to piece together the events of the night before. After some serious motivational problems I got to Board X at about 5pm, but still managed to beat most of the other casualties. Everyone looked pretty f**ked, particularly King who hadn't been to sleep and was seriously pastey looking.I skillfully managed to miss most of the days skating, including Emilio hanging up on a massive f/s indy and crash landing on the flat. I did see him pull one which earnt him some cash. The skating I saw was amazing particularly Greg Nowik, Manimal and the foreign contingent. My head hurt a lot. At kicking out time we headed off to the E's premiere.


I was f**ked so I stayed at home.




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