I woke early to the satanistic sound of my alarm clock, getting up early is really not my thing, but 8.30am it was and I had shit to do. After shaving the foam off my tongue and making the obligatory 5000 phone calls I hit the road. The first part of my mission was to pick up Ozzimal and Ram Raid from Sidcup Station. When I got there they looked a bit nervous due to the ghettoness of their surroundings! Anyway they jumped in the Bass Van and the first part of my mission was completed easily. Next, a trip to Mickeys parents house in Hextable to pick up a spare set of car keys, due to the fact that G Money (from now on referred to as "curly haired retard") had lost them in a mosh at Reading the night before. This wasn't too easy as the directions weren't great and no-one seemed to have heard of the road we were looking for. After a few hours and one thousand phone calls we eventually got the keys. Next pick up Chesson, who obviously had to go and pick up some of "Jahs Herbal Remedy". And after a brief shop stop I think we actually left the hood about 12.30pm. Obviously we were destined to get stuck in traffic for ages, and sure enought that's what happened. We made it to the festival site at about 3.30pm, not bad considering I left my house at 9.30am. By now I was slightly less than happy and complications with our passes meant that we had to walk about the site for fucking ages, and when it did eventually got sorted I wasn't allowed in due to the large amount of "UK GARAGE IS GAY WANK" t-shirts that I had in my bag. After a trip to drop them back at the van, I finally made it to the ramp at about 5.30!

After expressing my displeasure to G, I dished out the Sidcup team shirts and assumed a comfortable dossing position on the platform. In attendance from the extended Massive were:Me (Fat Nic Sidcup), G Money, Prawny (who was more subdued than usual as he'd been puking all morning), Chesson, Ozzimal, Ram Raid, Zoe (now known as Peahead) Emma, Fothers, King and apparently the Plumber was there but I somehow managed to avoid him for the whole day!

Skating on the day was supplied by King, Dave Allen and Mike Edwards. They were 3 BMXers inluding Gerry Galley, sorry I don't know the others names, but they went crackers.

The skating was as good as you'd expect. Dave Allen pulled out some ill shit, and even dug into the old school bag for an indy nose pick and some tasty invert variations. Pete did the King lip trick thing, and was spotted trying to land 540's. The guys on the mic offered to get a whip round going to persuade the lanky poof to actually stick one. I've lost many bets to that c**t over making tricks, but I felt sure I was safe this time, so I offered to put in £100 if he did it. The genuiness of my offer was doubted so I flashed the Sidcup crown jewels and upped my offer to £200. For once I walked away with all my money because Pete fagged out. Ozzimal had a little skate and made the ramp shake with his burly down-under style. Mike Edwards did more nollie varieties than Heinz has baked beans. I can't tell you a lot about the BMX apart from they went crackers and all came reasonably close to hospitalising themselves.

this is the only way to shut Normski up!

Fearless Peerless

Somewhere during the demo Normski turned up and was unleashed on the mic, he set about insulting the crowd, teling everyone to get high and beatboxing, all of which was very entertaining. Then it was over and the beast known as Fearless Peerless started dismantling the ramp before anyone even had their pads off. Unfortunately King had to shoot off to Leeds for the demos the next day, but luckily stuck around long enough to sign a young girls stomach!

Normski, Prawnski, Ozski, Ramski, Washedupski, Emmaski

Im a few strange incidents I actually got recognised and heralded with shouts of "SIDCUP". At first I thought it was just people reading the shirt, but soon realised that many of these poor souls had actually seen this pathetic excuse for a website. Hello to everyone I stopped to talk to, sorry to anyone I shouted shit at!

This guy paid the price


After stickering everyone in sight we adjourned to the campsite to smoke/drink/eat. By the time we made it back to the arena everyone was pretty fucked, but G was more charged than us. He wanted blood and was like a rabid dog on crack!

Ozzimal was itching to see Rocket from the Crypt, I was too fucked to really care. I think we made it there, but to tell the truth it could have been any band. We stood just outside the tent talking shit to people and plastering them with stickers. Ram displayed his own special brand of dancing, while Prawny and Zoe looked on in amazement. G knocked a load of spectators off the bin, which I somehow got the blame for, despite being stood about 10m away. Ram or G also jumped in someones fire and put it out, the poor couple in question looked very close to tears!

Then it was over, the music stopped. I felt like I'd only been in the place for about 10 minutes, and I hadn't even manged to see a band, quite an achievement I think you'll agree!

We set off for a wander which included Vodka Jellies and more Whiskey. I roamed into the guest area for a piss and to get more drink. It soon dawned on me that I'd lost the others and started headed to the tents, pausing to talk to many hawks on my journey. About half way there I felt tired so headed back in the opposite direction to the comfort of my van, just as I was about to get my head down Ozzimal phoned to ask if him and Emma could kip in there too, I agreed and decided to sit outside and wait for them. I soon got bored and ended up handing out flyers outside a rave for some californian girl. My lines to get people to take the flyers ranged from abusive to pathetic, here's the few that I remember;

"Take a flyer or I'll shit my pants right now"

"Save a skinny Ethiopian kids life, take a flyer today"

"Please take a flyer or my boss will bottom rape me again"

Thankfully Emma and Steve turned up before I took a beating. Once in the van I did my best to persuade Emma that if she wasn't going to put out she should at least pull me and Steve off, especially as I was kind enought to let her sleep on my floor. It was soon evident that she wasn't into it, so after a bit of headspin I fell asleep.

In the morning we were awoken bya knock on the door, it was Ram, he'd spent hours looking for the tents but had eventually given up and slept under the van. It eventually got too cold for him and he got int the van too.

That was it, Reading 2001,over for me before it even got going. Thansk to the combination of events that fucked up my day and caused me to get blistered feet and be in a shitty mood.

Hope it works out better next year.




Rock on........


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