Armbreaker: Particularly energetic wank.
Arse Spider: Tenacious well knotted winnit that cannot be removed without bringing 8 spindly hairs with it.
Audition the finger puppets: A single-act, one man show not suitable for children.
Autograph the gusset. To allow the turtles head to sign the inside of your underpants.
Bacon strips: External female genitalia.
Beef box: A container into which sausages are put.
Benny Hill: Rhyming slang, female contraceptive.
Brown Daisy: Unpleasantly scented flower which attracts flies rather than bees.
Budgies tongue: Descriptive, the female erective bit!!
Bum Goblin: A gnarled malevolent turd that jumps out behind you casting a painful spell on your ringpiece!
B.V.H: Abbr, "Blue veined hooligan" A six inch tall, one eyed skinhead.
Chugnuts: Extremely large piles.
Cider Visor: Beer goggles for the younger drinker.
Cliterature: One handed reading material.
Cockoholic: One who is addicted to cockahol.
Conkers deep: To be in a state of deep penetration.
Cough your filthy yoghurt: Romantic expression for ejaculation.
Crunchie: A sock worn the morning after being used as a wank-mop.
Disco fanny: The full strength flavour achieved after 6 hours on a dance floor in PVC trousers.
Ditch Pig: Affectionate term for an ugly fat girl.
Frog: A formidable blast from the spunk trumpet where the ladies cheeks puff out like a bullfrogs.
Double bassing: To have sex from behind while fiddling with the ladies left nipple with one hand and her budgies tongue with the other, a position similar to the one adopted for playing the double bass, though the sound is slightly different.
Drown some kittens: To drown a litter of small stools.
Eating sushi off a barber shop floor: Cunnulingus.
Face fannies: Sideburns.
Feeding the pony: One handed feeding of a ladys toothless gibbon.
Five pinter: A very ugly woman you would only chat-up after five pints.
Fizzy gravy: Rusty water, diahorrea.
Free the tadpoles: To liberate the residents of ones wank tanks.
Fuckshitfuckshitsuckshit: The sound made when driving through to narrow a gap at too high a speed.
Funbagtastic: Exclm, may be uttered when seeing a large pair of breasts.
Grannys oysters: Elderly female genitalia.
Greyhound: Very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.
Hairy Scallops: Furry shellfish to be eaten when bearded clams are out of season.
Hand-to-gland combat: Vigorous three minute bout of gladiatorial combat involving a spam javelin.
Heftty-clefty: Welly top, horses collar. Descriptive of a large vagina.
Lord of the pies: Salad dodger, barge arse, Danny Baker. Mexican lipstick: Embarrassing facial tide mark found after eating out lady who was up on the blocks.
Ming the merciless: Death by chocolate starfish.
Monkey bath: A bath so hot when lowering yourself in you go *Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa! Aa!*.
Opera house: A large vagina, with heavy pink safety curtains.
Pie-Liner: A Femidom.
PIK: Acronym, Pig In Knickers.
Pumpers Lump: The condition of enhanced right arm muscle due to excessive wanking.
Quim Chin, Muff mouth: A bearded fellow.
Release the chocolate hostage: To liberate Richard the third.
Roy Castle*s last blow: A pathetic whimpering fart.
Starfish Trooper: An Arsestronaut*..
Tit Pants: A Bra.
Tongue Punchbag, Small man in a boat: See Budgie*s Tongue.
Two Bagger: Someone so ugly that two bags are required, one to cover their head and one to cover yours incase theirs falls off.
Up on the blocks: Monthly MOT failure due to recurring leak under the Beatle Bonnet.
Wet as an otters pocket: Descriptive as to the moistness of a ladies kipper mitten.
X-Piles: Unwanted visitors from Uranus.