This is an e-mail that was sent to me recently, I don't know whether it's true, but it's funny as f**k:


There is a book that has been written by Victoria and David beckam's ex-bodyguard that they are trying to have a certain part of banned from publication. This is not a joke or bullshit, this is the actual chapter that is causing all the problem's. is able to exclusively reveal the detail of the extract from a forthcoming novel which is presently at the centre of a major legal wrangle in the United Kingdom. The novel, written by David and Victora Beckham's former bodyguard, allegedly contains 290 words which the couple find objectionable and are seeking to have suppressed by the court. was approached this week by a broker acting for an insider at the publishing house for the forthcoming novel with an offer to sell a copy of the manuscript in question. We initially balked at the six-figure price the broker has asked for the text, but after seeing the first sentence of the disputed manuscript we immediately bought exclusive rights to the shocking document. The Extract in Dispute: Posh Goes to Hospital

"Posh and David's sex play became more and more kinky as their courtship progressed - while on tour it was not out of the ordinary to be sent out at night to buy personal lubricant, fruit and veg and spicy sex toys for the couple's randy sex romps. But things got totally out of control on a visit to Los Angeles in early 1998 when David was giving Posh a champagne enema in the spa of their swanky hotel suite. Posh apparently slipped over after a magnum of Bollinger had been inserted in her anus and cracked the bottle on the edge of the spa. The result was catastrophic colon perforation. She had a long jagged shard of glass protruding from her backside and was bleeding like a stuck pig. At first Beckham tried to reassure her that there was no need to go to hospital and that the end of the bottle would exit through her system normally. Unfortunately Beckham is not much of a medical expert and Posh passed out from loss of blood and shock within 30 minutes. When we finally got the call for help from David he claimed that he knew nothing about how Posh had injured herself. He just stood there looking very shifty. Eventually David allowed us to call an ambulance. Within an hour of tearing her chocolate spider, Posh was on the operating table at Cedars Sinai Hospital where she received 65 stitches and three pints of blood. When the anethstetic finally wore off, Posh was furious that Beckham had not admitted putting the bottle inside her. She ordered me to forcibly remove Beckham from the hospital and take away his credit cards. It was a pleasure to kick that lousy prick out on his arse. The forthcoming novel, due for release in October 2000, is now at the centre of a legal wrangle in the UK courts. According to Manchester United insiders, 'Backdoor Dave' Beckham is reportedly concerned that the taunts and jeers he regularly receives at football matches will get worse if the extract in question is published. On a number of occasions this year Beckham has been visibly shaken by taunts from the crowd of "does your wife like it up the arse?", a cruel reference to the rumors which have circulated around London since the incident. Punted out of hospital for perforating Posh's ring muscle .

Our interview with the editor of the manuscript reveals that Posh Spice was unable to perform for two weeks while the stitches were in, and the scandal threatened to disrupt unity among the other members of her band. According to ex Spice Girl Geri Halliwell the incident contributed to her decision to leave the famous group. "After all, there is nothing posh about having a bottle stuck up your arse" said Halliwell. "Her sex life was just out of control and I begged her to never see Beckham again, but she would not listen" she said. The couple are believed to have kissed and made up after Beckham promised to refrain from any sex games involving any form of fruit, vegetable or inanimate object. Jennifer Mullins, one of Posh Spice's closest friends, said she was shocked when the couple got back together. "That dirty bugger almost killed her by not calling an ambulance immediately after the accident. She almost bled to death on that bathroom floor. Its disgusting." said Mullins. contacted Beckham's agent for confirmation that he had put Posh Spice's life in danger as a result of the accident. The Beckham's lawyer, Mr Rupert Squires, contacted our offices claiming that the UK courts had issued an order banning publication of the extract or of any of the details relating to the case. Early this morning, Mr Squires threatened an injunction preventing publication of the story. At the time of publication, however, Mr Squires had failed to properly serve papers on

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