How many times have you been sitting down the pub minding your own business, when you over hear some up his own arse student type saying "yah, I saw Tricky at Glasters back in 98" blah blah blah, it's happened far too many times for my liking and this is one of the many reasons why I've never really had any urge to go to the Glastonbury festival. However , this year a trip was planned, the weather looked good and i was in the mood for trouble.

On arrival (in the early hours of Friday morning) we set about gaining entry, as none of us tight bastards actually had a ticket, which was easier than you could possibly imagine. By this time all of us were well and truly fucked, so we put the tents up and got some sleep. On waking we had a nourishing breakfast of hash cakes which pretty much mongolised us for the rest of the day. The sedatory effect on Matt was so great that he managed to sleep through being dragged out of his tent by the feet and having a horn let off in his ear a few times.

We managed to get out and about in time to see some of Macy Gray and then Cypress Hill, who were absolutely amazing and probably the best band I saw all weekend. By the evening I was well and truly knackered, I can't really remember what we did in the evening but I was asleep in the tent by 11 (I am obviously a faggot lightweight). On Saturday I made the conscious decision to keep away from the cakes and went for a more traditional breakfast. The day was spent chilling and watching various bands including Semisonic, Reef etc. By the time we got to see Death in Vegas the crew were steaming and there was a serious outbreak of "Barry, fuckin' wants it!, Barry, fuckin' gets it!" and a bit of freestyle After that I went to see a bit of Morcheeba, who were brilliant. I can't remember what else we did that night but we walked a long way, lost a lot of people and waited around for a lot of people.

On Sunday I headed off to check out a lot of bands notably Ronnie Jordan, Kelis, DJ Krush, and Badly Drawn Boy. After that I watched some of David Bowie and then headed back to the van to meet up with the rest of the mob. They were there and ready to go when I arrived, however as usual we were waiting for some stragglers, everyone was keen to make a getaway before the traffic built up and people were getting stressed. Luckily my main man Naylor is always one to come up with a plan, and tonight was no exception. Blowing up a chemical toilet with fireworks seemed like the perfect finish to the weekend. The fuse was lit and we all nearly pissed ourselves laughing when there was a fuck off big bang and the roof glowed yellow for a few seconds and then smoke bellowed from the door. We closed in to check the wreckage- there were burn marks all over the walls and the pipes were hanging off the wall. The icing on the cake was when a woman entered the still smoking bog for a good old Richard the third.

My overall impressions of Glastonbury are mixed:- the music was excellent, the weather was fine and it was pretty good fun, however the place stinks of shit 24/7 and there's a lot of fools around. The weekend could have been a lot better if I wasn't so skint and if we'd had a better supply of alcohol.

If I go next year I'll try and put in a better effort, respect due to "The Plumber", Guy and Mattimal for a splendid show.

Sorry about the lack of photos.