Top ten ways to be 'the funny guy' in your office
10. Ask to borrow someone's pen, take it to the bathroom, stick it in your butt, then return it and tell the person to smell it, when they tell you that it smells bad, be like, "It should! I had it in my ass!"
9. Brag about the fact that you own a gun, and keep playing with your nuts. Get them really sweaty, and then walk around shaking everyone's hand.
8. Answer every question asked to you with 'fuck if i know!' then call the person a racial slur that doesn't even match their race.
7. Always walk around with a big smile. Keep one hand down the front of your pants.
6. Run down the hall with your dick out while urinating all over and yell, "It won't stop! God help me! It won't stop!!" Then when it stops.. look down and say...."Oh."
5. Shit on the floor in your office and when someone comes in and sees it tell them its the fake plastic kind- when they try to pick it up, and realize that their hand is full of shit, laugh and point.
4. Before a meeting fill your mouth with custard- then during the meeting put one finger in the air and make like you're hocking up a big loogie, then spit the custard into a clear glass and hand it to the person next to you and say "Beat that! you cunt"
3. Inform a male coworker that he "wouldn't make a good hooker," then piss in his coffee and tell him he needs a good "ass fucking"
2. Keep telling the same person that they have bad breath even if they don't, and then punch them in the mouth.
1. Announce in a meeting that you have AIDS. After everyone gives you the sympathy remarks- tell everyone how you're just kidding- tell everyone that they're just a bunch of homo lovers.