The New Blues Mobile

I've just got a new van, the weather was good and for once I wasn't broke! These were all good reasons to head to Cornwall for the Bank Holiday Weekend. We left on Saturday Morning, the crew consisted of Myself (Fat Nic Sidcup), Prawny, Tim, The G, Magic Jean and Chicken Legs. The drive was a bit of a mission, especially as everyone seemed to suffering from sleep deprivation and hangovers. G emerged from his house sporting the most offensive wife-beater vest I have ever seen, but more offensive was the stench of alcohol that tagged along with him. The monkeys in the back slept most of the way but when they did awake they discussed cats cocks. Quite what the fascination with feline genitalia is I couldn't explain, but it managed to keep them amused for the whole weekend, so much so that Jean was awoken one morning by Matt anouncing that the best way to cut off a cats cock is with a warm teaspoon. Apparently the best way to achieve a perfect cats cock cutting temperatue is to stir your tea with it first (please don't ask me about this because I don't know, nor do I want to!). We arrived in Porthtowan in the early evening, set up the tents and headed to Mt Hawke for a skate, unfortunately we only got there about 5 mins before it shut! Next stop - Playing Place, if you've never been there you should go, it's a weird 70's mellow bowl thing and it's fun. We had a very entertaining f**k about, mainly sessioning layback tricks and anything else old school.

We left in high spirits and headed into Newquay for an evenings entertainment. Firstly we went to the Red Lion but as the night got on we decided to find a club, everthing was pretty busy so we ended up in "The Beach" which was as crap as it sounds! I was driving so was limited to spectator duties for the evenings stupity. However the others were on top form and the dancing was nothing short of legendary. I left them to it and headed off to pick up Chicken and Jean from a beach party in Falmouth, my directions to get there were "We're on a beach near a fire!". Somehow I found them quite easily, however, Jean was passed out so getting her into the van was not easy. Somewhere between Falmouth and Newquay she managed to puke down the side of the van without anyone noticing. I met the others at Fistral Beach where a beach party was afoot. Tim was straight in there with a bit of big fish, small fish, cardboard box.This spawned the first catchphrase of the weekend "So do you like bass?", the game developed that if someone asked you this, the correct response was always "wah wah wah". It later devoloped as the answer to virtually any question that anyone asked. It started to get pretty cold so we headed back to base camp, where we had to tempt Jean into her tent with cake eventually she just took a run-up and dived in, almost taking the tent down.


G represents Sidcup while Matt throws some props to Xzibit

(Porthtowan Beach)

When I woke in the morning it was a sunny day and everthing was good in the world. After fucking around the campsite on the longboard and endless driving about, we headed to Mt Hawke for a skate, it was uneventful and hot but still good honest fun!



The Hawke
The G was still on a layback tip


Blue Bar (external)
Blue Bar (internal)


Energy levels were at a low, so we headed down to Blue Bar on Porthtowan beach where we spent a very relaxing evening sipping a few brews and watching some "surfs up bro!" kind of films. No-one was really up for another Newquay mission so we headed over to Porthleven (miles away) to pick up Chicken and Jean from their friends flat. We stayed there for a while talking absolute shit and taking the piss out of the resident freak hawk until we got bored.


Matt is Oddhawk

Mt Hawke was sensibly shut on Bank Holiday Monday, but fortunately during my endless driving the day before I'd spotted a small park in a place called Helston. It was a real nice place but the park wasn't great. After negotiating a reduced entry fee, we tried to shake a serious case of lazyitis. It was all summed up for me when the girl who ran the park said to me "You lot are rubbish", I didn't argue with her, mainly because she was right. I thought about telling her that it was because the skatepark wasn't up to the standard that I expect, but thought better of it. The surface was rough and everything had weird transitions, but everyone had some jolly good fun! We skated as long as we could but eventually had to drag ourselves back off to the ghetto.


Fatboy does a shitty layback f/s rock

Tim's boardslide made girls wet
Matt did skill jumps pt1 - backside
Matt did skill jumps pt2 - frontside


A mild interlude to the journey home was a road rage incident instigated by me. I was in the outside lane when the road began to narrow, I indicated and started to pull in. Some stupid bitch in a Micra (or some shit like that) decided to shoot up the inside of me. I couldn't see her till the last minute and nearly took the side off her car, despite the fact I was obviously in front of her and I was indicating she refused to let me in. I either had to let her go or drive into her, it was a close decision, but I let her go. It only took me a few seconds to lose my temper and make my move, I undertook her on the grass verge down the side of the road whilst showing her what my middle finger looks like out the window. It felt good, the others looked out the back windows and apparently she was fuming! Don't mess with Sidcup again you s**t c**t bitch!


It was a good weekend, even though it probably doesn't sound that exciting! Sorry about that. We'll try and do something interesting next time! It was a good intro to the summer though.


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