Me and my man Mart from Swanley thought that it was only fair that we produced this guide on how to give your car a complete makeover so that you could proudly race it round Dartford one way system on a Friday night. The original idea behind this article was to create a pucka motor on a tight budget, but it also occurred to me that as all these changes are non-permanent it would be ideal if you're only allowed to borrow your mum or dads car in the evenings. For this make over you will require loads of card, tin foil, selotape, marker pen, bin bags, paint (for colour coding, unless you car is the same beige as cardboard) and of course a shitty car to work on, these materials will cost only a few quid, unless you nick 'em from the corner shop like we did. Obviously my car is the nuts so I couldn't use that, luckily Mart drives a poofy 1300 Escort that even my Nan would be ashamed to use to go shopping, perfect for our purposes. What you are about to see is not as technical as it looks, in fact it's so easy that your average football loving Kev could probably manage it (with a bit of help). Nic and Mart will accept no responsibility for your car if you get pulled by the filth (they're only jealous because your car looks the bollox), however we do guarantee you will impress loads of sluts and may even get to bone some of them. These pictures have been sent to Max Power and Fast Ford, we are hoping they will want to do a feature on our motor.

The picture above is what we're aiming to replicate....

Here's what you'll need..


Cut out a mean body kit from the cardboard, and paint it a colour to suit your motor


Apply the kit using plenty of selotape


Put extra tape on the rear spoiler, beacause you'll look like a right mug

if it comes off in the middle of a race


Black out the windows with bin bags, we couldn't be arsed to tape these ones, so we just shut them in the door.

(Don't do the front windscreen or you won't be able to see where you're going)


Accessories really make a motor, so go to town, using the tin foil for a chromed effect


3 spoke alloys look the tits


Don't forget your badges


Cover up gay graphics with even more badges


Custom plates cost a fortune from the DVLC, so just make up your own reg number

(This will also stop you getting any speeding fines)


No boys motor is complete without a baked bean can sized big bore exhaust


and one of those racing car petrol caps


And that's about it, all done.

This whole transformation took about half an hour, and cost f**k all.



Click here to see the finished product