Better late than never our man Toby, aka Rolphee, aka "The Unknown Force" reports from the Air Guitar Championships:-
Once upon a time there was a young boy who had visions of begin the biggest rock superstar of all time.....
Those dreams were shattered at an early age and now payment time was due, welcome to the 6th annual Air guitar championships held at the prestige Concorde in Brighton. The evening started with a well oiled rub down of classic soft metal anthems from the likes of 'Europe' to 'Motorhead' played by DJ Disastronaut, but this was just laying the foundation for what the blood thirsty crowd had come to see.
Numerous pints of ale later, the first lucky hopeful crept onto the stage, helplessly overcome come by the explicit screaming crowds for which they gave an honest attempt to get the masses excited. Next was the turn of a young tattooed lady, this gave the crowd even more ammo for obscenities, she gave an provocative show worthy of any fifteen quid stripper.
The next act up were a duo of the eighties legends, Dire Straits with matching headbands and pastel coloured blazers complete with rolled up sleeves. The crowd went mental as the guitar intro began and the entire capacitance of the Concorde moshed to the imaginary strings. the duo ended there repertoire by synchronized stage dives into the over excited groupies followed by an overhead lap of honor by the crowd.
Last years winners, the Redneck Mullets put on a burn off style spectacular using the dueling banjo track from Deliverance. This was just laying down the foundations for the master himself, Evil Ed Leigh
Ed stepped up to the mic and gave the audience the simple instructions "I'm Satan whoppercock, now suck my cock!!!!" the chorus began to ring around the club "sucksatanscock...sucksatanscock...sucksatanscock.."
Ed stood there dress in a red PVC outfit with a red cod piece containing a 6" firework, which when ignited sprayed the crowd with the evil sparks. The other nice touch was two red dildo shaped horns poking through the black mullet. He had chosen the track 'Thunderstruck' by AC/DC to strut himself by, the crowd went ape this was definitely off the hizza
From this performance Evil Ed clearly won the British air guitar championship title. The evening carried on a downward drunken spiral..........roll on next year!