Wel, Engaged Boy seems to have covered a lot of the subject matter but let me fill you in on some of the stuff he missed on his brief visit:
My new custom made jacket, sick product.
I met Timmy and his crew at the airport the day after Boxing day, G, Bear and the others had left the day before. A few minutes into our journey our first victim was targetted (we shall call him "readingstresshawk"), this poor man had the misfortune of ending up sitting next to me and Tim for the entire flight while we talked absolute bollocks and I swore a lot (and PC Tim told me off a lot). By the end of the journey he was close to breaking point and had several throbbing veins protruding from his forehead. The minibus ride to the resort was a pleasure as we raided or drivers CD collection and decided upon Mettallica at high volume. When we got to the resort in the evening, not surprisingly no one was in our appartment, so i suggested we go find Bear, Ram and G. Tim was less than optimistic about finding them, I suggested that they would be in the seediest bar in town so we just ha to find that. Sure enough the first bar we head for, they're in there pissed up and getting rowdy.
The Australian Bear!
Back at the appartment I was prepared for the snoring, but it was even worse than possibly imagined and I slept the first night in the bathroom and the rest of the holiday in the kitchen (this was to prove convenient for throwing up in the sink). I even when to the chemist and explained in bad French that I had a big bear hibernating in my room and needed some earplugs.
My first day snowboarding was marked by getting hit in the back at full speed by an out of control skier, that was my first run of the day too! The conditions were pretty shit and it became apparent that booze would reign on this trip.
Warm up drinks in the appartment start to take their toll.
On our first decent night out Me, G and Ram got fucking hammered and each spent about £100 which we were stoked about. We met some girls in a pub and they became our entertainment for the evening. They were stickered, verbally abused and then had christmas decorations eaten from their cleavage (yes we got it on video). Ram also entertained us by repeatedly headbutting a bannister (yes we videod that too). Cant remember much more about the night, but i made it home alive, G came in later and trod all over me whilst displaying his serious lack of skill at drunk cooking.
New years eve passed pretty much as Matt has told you. The drinking game was out of control, the result was Me and Bear finished a big old bottle of Scotch before going out. Next up me and the Bear got in anargument with some bloke whose door i was tryiying to kick down whilst lying on the floor, i think this was just before Ram laid under the 2 kissing girls. Me and G had some running cap gun battles round the building. Me and Ram had a fight which involved me getting my head smashed into the wall and then bitten. After this it all gets a bit blurry. I remember entering the pub and everyone just going crackers, including the traditional breakdancing session. I think I personnally stickered every person in the place. I remember going over the water wheel as described, and at one stage trying to squeeze inside it too. My night enedd in the traditional manor of being sick.
Game Over, note facial injury due to headbutting Timmy
We had arranged to stay 10 days so our appartment was quite quiet for the last few days because most of the others went home after 7, just me, Tim, Bear and our house guest Si. Our last night in town was however anything but quiet...
I'm probably not the best person to tell this story because I was so fucked up by the time I left the appartment that I have no idea what happenned. Me and Bear polished another bottle of Scotch (the cheapest shit they had in the shop) and then went out. I dont know where we went, but i remeber being in the Aussie bar informing all the bar maids they fancied me, their reply was to force feed me chilli sauce. I was actually so wasted i didnt notice until i'd drunk a good few mouthfuls, but my lips were still burning when i woke up in the morning. Somewhere on our travels the Bear stole a huge can of air freshener which he attacked us with all the way home.
Once back at the appartment i was destined to puke, so i hung my head in the sink. Tim and Bear were obviously worried about me because they helped me out by battering me with pillows and spraying aerosol up my boxer shorts thus freezing my nuts. On top of this the aerosol gave me an asthma attack and i was on the phone too. I puked and i puked good, shortly after that i semi passed out. Tim and Bear continued the fighting and through the haze i heard the doorbell ring and this conversation take place (i believe it is about 4am by now):-
French male: "could you make any more noise?"
Bear: "yes we certainly could"
Confused French male: "no, i mean could you make less noise"
Close front door and continue fighting. I woke up in the morning and went straight up the shops, it's only when i got back that I realised i had orange sick all down the side of my face and neck ha ha.
The morning after, not good.
We decided to spend our last day in Geneva but by the time we managed to catch a bus it was late afternoon. Our journey was made interesting by our retarded driver leaving the doors open on the ski locker at the back of the bus. This meant we left a trail of skis and snowboards as we left the resort and had to turn round and go back to get them all.
Our night in Geneva was boring as fuck because their is actually nothing to do there, we checked out the skatepark and watched some decent skating, then I ended up sitting up all night watching MTV in the hostel because Bears snoring was so bad.
The trip home I dont want to even talk about!
That's it done and dusted, fuck snowboarding I'm off to Australia next year instead.