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Take the Paula Yates Quiz!!
Are you Paula Yates? 1. What's the first thing you do when you wake up of a Sunday morning? a) Make a pot of coffee and chill out. b) Read the papers. c) Stop breathing.
2. What do your kids do first thing of an average Sunday morning? a) Wake you up demanding breakfast. b) Get up to watch telly. c) Run next door and hammer the letterbox to f**k shouting: "My mum's lying in bed with a leather belt round her neck and a jaffa orange shoved up her c**t!"
3. How do you feel first thing of an average Sunday morning? a) Happy that you have the day to yourself. b) Anxious about the week ahead. c) Stiff.
4. Who is the first visitor you get of an average Sunday morning? a) The newspaper boy. b) Your ex-husband to take the kids to the park. c) An undertaker.
5. What did you have to drink this morning to perk you up? a) A good strong cup of coffee. b) A good strong glass of Scotch. c) Ten pints of embalming fluid through a tube up your arse.
6. Which of these best describes how you feel in the morning? a) Lively. b) Cheerful. c) Dead.
7. You fancy doing something a little different next weekend. Which of these takes your fancy the most? a) Visiting friends you haven't seen for a while. b) Doing some work around the house or the garden. c) Committing suicide.
8. Who was your father? a) A kind and gentle, dear old man with a heart of gold who stayed with your mother for many long and happy years. b) A strong-willed man with a good sense of moral values who taught you everything you knew. c) Some grabbing baldy old cheating c*** who pupped your slaggy old mother and never said a word to you about it until just before he snuffed it.
9. What do you sleep in? a) Silk pyjamas. b) The nude. c) A shroud.
10. What will you be doing next Sunday morning? a) Having a long lie-in in bed. b) Taking the kids out to the park or the cinema. c) Decomposing.
Answers:
Mainly a: You're not Paula Yates. Mainly b: Neither are you. Mainly c: Congratulations. You are indeed Paula Yates, slaggy old scumbag wife of some dirty Irish c**t and girlfriend of some pervy Aussie twat who hanged himself whilst having a wank with a banana up his arse and a belt round his scrawny f**king neck. But it doesn't matter now because you're dead. You old scumbag.
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