Special Report form Agent Elmhawk One: The Colney Hatch Ripper:-

It started when me & Spenny P of the Zoot Maniacs Posse were driving to our local skatepark, Alexandra Palace, in a builders van. We saw this perfect vision of a slutty bird on the streets of Friern Barnet and could not believe our eyes. Picture this, the first warm evening of summer and birds are starting to peel their winter clothes off, when we clocked a 15 year old slapper with a purple hotpants up her arse and tiny bikini top combination, on the first warm evening of summer, proudly strutting out of a council house. Spenny P was foaming at the mouth and shouted some compliments her way. He was a very excited young man and only a shitload of zoots and some hard slams at the skatepark brought him back down to earth. I was amazed at the young curves of this specimen, coupled by the traditional council estate tan (none), expensive looking gold jewellry, and straight up dirty attitude. Every time we travel to Ally Pally, the zoot maniacs and downlow possees are on the lookout for this young beauty. One time I was telling Matt Naylor about the deal. He did not believe me, but once we entered Colney Hatch Lane London N13, approaching the petrol station, BO! There she was. I quickly pulled in to get some juice. Naylor was already juiced up, in fact he couldnt get out of his seat due to the excitement of the moment. "Is that the Colney Hatch Ripper" he asked. Oh yes, I replied. "Oh god you is so fit" I mumbled as she dragged a young child along the pavement and tried to ignore her two step loving boyfriend. I dived back in to the Passat to reach for my T-5. Matey was trying to lead the young beauty up the hill but she just stood, staring & smiling at me. I clicked the shutter and the photo is attached to this story. All I will say is the Colney Hatch Ripper is unbelievable. She makes all skaters very excited due to her smooth young transitions and aggressive funbox. Yoshi was severely affected and could not skate for some time. I have now seen her about five times. She is young, dumb, wears not enough clothes, and talks like a proper young slut. Beautiful. "Oh can't you see.... you belong to me.... live in the Colney.... and like it Grimy.... EASY!"

A SHAME YOU MISSED THIS BEAUTY, BUT IF YOU SEARCH HARD ENOUGH I AM QUITE SURE YOU MIGHT FIND SIMILAR SPECIMENS IN AND AROUND YOUR AREA. PLEASE KEEP ME INFORMED WITH YOUR LOCAL STYLES, PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE WOULD BE VERY NICE AS I AM THINKING OF SETTING UP A WEB SITE FOR IRRESISTABLE STREET STYLES CONTRABUTES FROM ALL PARTS OF THE COUNTRY WILL BE REQUIRED. AGENT RAM

NOW THEN NOW THEN HAVE I GOT A TREAT IN STORE FOR YOU OUT THERE!

THATS RIGHT AGENT RAM REPORTING LOUD AND CLEAR!!!!

AS IT WAS THE JUBERLEEEE WEEKEND AND ALL OF DATT SO I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE AN IDEAL TIME FOR ME TO GO OUT WITH THE HAWKCAM AND GET SOME EVIDENCE THAT HAWKS ARE AVAILABULL EVERY WHER YOU JUST HAVE TO OPEN DEM EYES OF YOURS GRAB A CAMERA AND FLICK. LUCKILY FOR MOST OF MY WEEKENDS MISSION I WAS ARMED WITH AN ASSISTANT AGENTELMHAWK1! AND IT ALL STARTED ON THE FRIDAY NIGHT AT THE FLIP PREMIER (WHICH WAS OFFF DAAA HIZZZZZZZZZAA BUT I WONT GO INTO THAT) THE BIG-EST HAWK WAS THIS FELLOW CALLED G MONEY, SEE IN THE PROFILES FOR PIC AS WAS NOT PREPEARED TO GET MY LENS ANYWHERE NEAR HIM

AFRO AUSSYSURF HAIR

FARMER/TRACTOR SHIRT

ROCK-STUD JEANS

HORNS THROWN UP

DIRTY OLD BOAT NUFF SAID!

8 OCLOCK SAT MORNING EARLY RING FROM AGENTELMHAWK1 PIKEE ENFIELD PAGENT WAS ON AND WHAT A GREAT PLACE TO GO HAWK SPOTTING I WAS VERRY EXCITED SO AGENTELMHAWK1 HAD TO CALM ME DOWN WITH A GREASY FRY UP TO PREPAIR ME FOR WHAT I WAS ABOUT TO WITNESS!! NO SOONER HAD WE ARRIVED IN THE CHAVEE FIELD AND WHO BETTER TO WELCOME US? YOU GUESSED IT SOME LITTEL TA HAWKS WHO LOVED POSEING FOR THE RAM LOOK HOW BATTY THEY LOOK IN THER ARMYBATTY GEAR ONE OF THEM SAID ARE WE GOING TO BE FAMOUS? AND I SAID YOU BET YOU BOOTS YOU ARE SO IF YOUR READING BOYS KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK AND NEXT TIME ITS A VERY HOT DAY TRY TO WEAR A FEW MORE CLOATHES, COCKS!

TA HAWKS

NEXT UP WAS A DIRTY PIKEE STALL HOLDER WHO WAS ON ONE OF THOUSE STALLS WHERE YOU TRY AND FISH FOR DUCKS (UMM SOUNDS LIKE REAL FUN TO ME BEND OVER WHILE PIKEE MULLET MONSTER TEEFS YOUR WALET OUT YOUR BACK POCKET!) HE WAS WITH WIS DAD WHO WAS ALSO HIS BROTHER! (SEE PIC) LOOK AT HIS MULLLET ALMOST FULL SKIN HEAD WITH A FLOWING MULLL AND NICE TATTOOS WHEN I INTERVIEWED HIM I WAS AMAZED TO FIND OUT HE HAD JUST HAD HIS THIRTEENTH BIRTHDAY!

I LOOKED AROND AND MY ASSISTANT SPOTTED WHAT I WOULD CONSIDER ONE OF THE FINEST HAWK SPOTS WITH A PHOTO TO DATE IT WAS SUPER EUROHAWK JUST CHECK OUT HIS STYLE AMAGINE HE MUST OF BEEN UP ALL NIGHT PUTTING THOUSE STUDS IN ON THE WONK HE WAS WITH ALL HIS FAMILY I BET HIS KIDS ARE REAL PROUD!

NEXT WE DECIDED TO GO FOR A SK8 CHECK PHOTOS FOR POOR SK8TERS AND SLAMS!!

AGENT RAM TAKES A WHACK

AFTER THAT I WAS FUCKED AND COULDNT WALK SO AGENTELMHAWK1 AND STEFFYOUKNOWMYSTEELOHAWK PLYED ME WITH BEER WE THEN DECIDED TO HIT THE JAZZ HAND SESSIONS IN BRIXTON AND BOY DO THE STYLES CHANGE HERE ARE A FEW PHOTOS OF SOME BEAUTIES WE SNAPPED ON THE TUBE I HOPE YOU ENJOY THEM RAAAAGGGGAAAARRRHHHHH! THE JAZZHAND SESSIONS WENT OF DA HOOK BUT CANT REPORT BECAUSE HAD TO MUCH BEER AND SOME OF DAT GREEN STUFF JUST ASK AGENTELMHAWK1!

Nailhawk

THATS ALL FOR NOW AS NEWS JUST IN OF A HAWK NEAR BY IF YOU LOOK CAREFULLY PROBLY NEAR YOU TOO.

COME MY HAWKS GET SNAPPING!!!

TOP SECRET MISSION

LOTS MORE THINGS HAVE BEEN SEEN THROUGH AGENT RAMS EYES SINCE WE LAST SPOKE AND I AM ABOUT TO TELL YOU PROBABLY THE HAWKYEST!!! WELL WELL IVE GOT UP ON SUNDAY WITH A BLINDING HEAD COS WAS CELERBRATING HOW GOOD BEER AND BRANDY MIX THE NIGHT BEFORE, I CAN TELL YOU IT IS GOOD AT THE TIME AND EVEN BETTER THE NEXT DAY ANY WAY UP EARLY TO GO TO SOME HAWKY BOOT FAIRS ONE OF MY FAVIRIOUT PLACES FOR HAWK SPOTTTTTING! GOT A FEW CRAP RECORDS AND WAS JUST ABOUT TO GO HOME WHEN BIRDY THOUGHT OF ANOTHER BOOTFAIR (WE CAN NOT LEAK THE INFO ON THE EXACT WHERE ABOUTS BUT LETS JUST SAY ITS NEAR THE TURN OFF OF 25 ON THE M25?) BOMBING AROUND FOUND A HARO NEW SCHOOL WANTED 40 SQUID SO I HAD TO SPIT ON IT AND LEAVE IT ALONE. AND THEN I SAW IT 30 TO 40 FREAKES JUMPING INTO THIS SKIP FULL OF CRAP LEFT BY PEOPLE WHO COULDNT SELL THE STUFF AND JUST WANTED TO GO HOME EARLY AND LEAVE THE CRAP BEHIND. YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN IT YOUVE GOT KIDS WOMEN ALL FIGHTING FOR LIKE BROKEN ELECTRICAL GOODS OLD SMELLY PANTS THE WHOLE NINE!!! THESE ARE NORMAL PEOPLE WHO JUST CANT RESIST A BARGAN (G) I RECON THEY DIDNT EVEN WANT THE STUFF THEY WERE JUST FULL ON PRODUCT HAWKS.

GOT HOME AND GET A CALL FROM PRAWNY SEEING IF I WANTED TO GO TO THE PALACE FOR A SK8, SO I JUMP IN THE BRAND NEW (MUMS CAR COS SHE'S ON HOLIDAY) JUST LIKE BUELLER AND HAVE A SHIT SKATE COS STILL HUNG OVER, DECIDE TO GO TO GET SOME BEER MEDICINE. SO WE'RE LEAVING THE PARK TO GO TO THE CAR PARK AND YOU GUESSED IT THE REAL PIKEEEES TURN UP IN CONVOY UP FRONT YOUVE GOT A MAROON GRANARDA WITH SOME UGLY NO TOOTH FUCKER HANGING OUT THE DOOR THROUGH THE WINDOW (WELL NO GLASS) SHOUTING WA HAY WA HAY THE CAR HAS NO HEAD LIGHTS AND NO GRILL THE WHOLE CAR IS FULL OF RUBISH AND ENOUGH INTERBREAD KIDS TO START A CITY! THERE IN PIKEY SPORTS WEAR AND THE ADULTS HAD SNIDE DESIGNER LABELS LIKE ALPH LARAUN AND GEECHARCHEEIIE THEY HAND BRAKE UP NEXT TO MY MUMS MOTOR AND IM THINKING FUCK THER GOING TO SMASH IT AND ITS NEW AND ALL THAT !!! NEXT UP AN ORANGE FORD TRANSIT EARLY EIGHTYS STYLE PULLS UP THE DOORS ARE OPENED AND THEY START POORING OUT ALL IDENTICALLLLLLLL LIKE OFF A PRODUCTION LINE STINKY GYPOOOOSS NONE HAD TEETH ALL HAD KIDS AND SPOKE IN SOME NASTY MADE UP GYPOOO LANGUAGE. PRAWNYS SAIS LOOK AT THIS COS HES BOUGHT AN OLD SCHOOL BOARD BUT I JUST SHOUTED GET IN THE MOTOR I AM IN AND DOORS LOCKED PRAWN GETS IN THE GTI AND WERE OFF JUST THINK A SECOUND LATER AND BOTH CARS WOULD HAVE GONE SO THE MORAL OF THIS STORY IS DRINK LOTS ON A SATURDAY NIGHT SO YOU CANT EVEN SK8 THE NEXT DAY AND GET INVADED BY CHAVEEEES!

SORRY COULDNT GET ANY PHOTOS FOR FEAR OF GETTING ROBBEED ! STILL WAITING FOR PICS FROM YOUR LOCAL AREA, OVER AND OUT FOR NOW, AGENTRAM

WATFORD

OH DEARY ME THER SURELY ARE SOME MARVELOUS SITES IN THE LAND OF WATFORD! INCREDIBULL SITEINGS OF POSSIBLY SOME OF THE BEST YOUNG MOTHERS I HAVE EVER SEEN IN AND AROUND THE M25 AREA! LET ME PAINT A LITTLE SCENEREO OF ONE OF THE VERY BEST THAT I SAW, TAKE NOTE AS I THINK ADOPTING SOME OF THEASE STYLES COULD BE VERRY GOOD FOR ALL OUR IMAGES DOUBLE BUGGY, BUT WAIT FOR IT, 3 KIDS IN IT HAGING OUT THE SIDE, DIRTY GINGER HAIR SHAVED AT THE BACK GOING INTO A BLONDE PINEAPEL ON TOP ONE SIDE WAXED DOWN WITH A PERM COVERING HALVE THE FACE VERY RAGA STYLE!!!

BLUE EYE MAKE UP AND PURPLE LIP STICK PASTY WHITE COMPLEXION ALL OVER. VEST TOP OFF THE SHOLDERS WITH ROSE TATTOO ON SHOLDER WITH DARREN IN IT VERRY NICE! HOOP EARINGS BIG ENOUGH TO TRAIN DOLFHINS TO LEEP THROUGH THEN A ROW OF DIAMOND STUDS AND A FEW IN THE NOSE/EYE BROW, AND WAIT FOR IT THIS IS THE BEST BIT HOLAGRAM CHAIN BUT NOT OF THE EYE BUT A BULLDOG IT WAS VERY SPECIAL!

LOWER BACK LARGE GOTHIC LETTERS" LOVED" BUT HAD STRETCHED SOMEWHAT FROM THE NIPPERS. KAPPA TRACKSUIT BOTTOMS POPPERS UNDUN TO THE KNEES REEBOCK CLASSICS GOLD STRIPE WITH THE ZIP STASH POCKET MONGREL DOG ON LEAD CHEESE BURGER IN ONE HAND FAG IN THE OTHER HELIUM BALOON ATACHED TO BUGGY FOR GOOD MEASURE, FAT FREIND BEHIND LONGING TO GET IN PREGNATED BUT HADNT FOUND THAT VERRY SPECIAL WATFORD BOY YET TO DO THE DEED

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