If your car hadn¹t been unmarked then I wouldn¹t have tried to overtake you.

It¹s meant to be loud, it has a British standard stamp on it to show it¹s ok.

Wow, I always thought you had to be a lot fitter than that to be in the Force.

I almost decided to be a cop, but I thought I¹d finish my GCSEs instead.

Is it true that people become cops because they¹re too dumb to work at McDonald¹s?

Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does. I was trying to keep up with traffic.

Yes, I know there are no other cars around, that¹s how far ahead of me they are.

No, offi, offic, Lucifer . . . I¹m not as think you are drunk I am. I swear to dog. No, I don¹t know how fast I was going.

The little needle stops at 140 mph. Come on write the damn ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes! How long is this going to take?

Your wife is expecting me.

So, uh, you on the take, or what?

Sorry officer wot have I done? I was asleep.

No I can¹t step out of the car ¹cos I can¹t walk, and I¹ve got to get to the next lock-in before it closes.

One thing I¹ve always wondered, does your head go all the way up your hat?

Of course I was all over the road, I was wanking.

No officer, my brake lights are working it¹s my brakes that aren¹t.

No I don¹t know how fast I was going ¹cos I had my eyes closed.

How ironic, I was just wondering about joining the Force.

Do you get trained, or were you born an arsehole?

You only caught me ¹cos I let you. I demand a re-match.

You only caught me ¹cos I let you, but you are faster than that copper yesterday

I wasn¹t driving dangerously, I was aiming for you.

You must need your licence as well ¹cos you needed to do 125mph to keep up with me.

Sorry officer, I usually have my guide dog with me.

I¹m glad you stopped me, I was wondering what the speed limit was.

You¹re not part of the cruise then!!

You were flat out officer, I guess pigs can fly then.

Sorry officer I¹m on a mission from God.

There¹s no blood in my alcohol system osifer.

Sorry officer, I thought the flashing lights were part of the acid trip I¹m on.

Thanks for the race, I wanted to test my new motor.

Am I off the hook if my girlfriend flashes her tits at ya?

Where did you get your car from?

You did well keeping up with me for the last few hours?

Sorry I ran over that pedestrian at the zebra crossing, I was admiring my bird¹s tits!

Sorry officer, I ran into the bloke in front ¹cos I was watching a movie on my new DVD!

Sorry officer I thought that I was low flying my fighter aircraft.

My apologies officer! I thought you wanted to race me again.

Sorry officer I was just following the flow of traffic.

I was doing 90 in a 30 zone because I was always told to be different.

Sorry officer I was only showing you how to power slide.

Sorry I was going so fast officer but happy hour finishes in twenty minutes.

I can't reach my licence unless you hold my beer.

Sorry, officer, I didn't realise my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

Officer, that's terrific. The last policeman only gave me a warning too!

Hey, you must've been doing 125mph to keep up with me. Nice one!

Sorry couldn't see you in my mirror 'cos I didn't have my glasses on

Were they your flashing lights? I thought they were the neons on my parcel shelf

Was that your siren? I thought it was on my new CD

Will you let me off if I let you listen to my ICE?

No I haven't got my licence I gave it to one of your colleagues yesterday

I'm glad you've stopped me I was thinking about asking how to join the Force

Back to the shite